friends - a soothing balm to the troubled hearts

Have been aching for more friends in a long time. The old ones remain but in varied worlds with not much time for each other.

Then there was this very old friend who i thought i had lost, as i sent him Id wishes only to gain him back in full glory, much to my cheer. A friend of around 18 years.
We were competitors first , competing for the grade topper - as we were in 2 different sections of the same grade. Whether we wld check our totals or not we wld definitely check the other's totals. Which is to say that we were competitors from our 2nd grade and friends from our 7th grade till the 10th.
Later, life took us away from each other and we cld hardly be in touch. Now once again back into action and i thank God for this.

New ones are made but they r with quite a few hang ups and that gives the relationship the excitement.

Some others are lost who we thought wld accompany us till our graves but unfortunately, with the residue of the sadness.

And some others who have been around but have not bothered to discover, turn out to be worthwhile finds. And i hope it continues and grows into a fructifying, stable and a beautiful relationship.

But the final category - - of a dear old man of 83, a very close friend, a man of prayer, a profound counsellor -- who i know i wld lose in a little while from now.
Got the news that his wife of around 50 years, aged 75 is sick and is in the hospital. That gives me the Jitters. I know that he too is getting prepared to leave this world and me.
I will miss him much. I have been with him in his sad moments as he has been with me in mine. Ironically we have never been with each other in our moments of JOY.
I refer to him as my Boy Friend and he refers to me as his Daughter ;) a thorough mismatch though.
One day he was talking of not having watched a movie in a theatre in a long time as he has no company and is unable to move about, unaided. Had planned to take him to one ,though it has not materialised so far.
Wish I am able to do it or atleast have a day out with him.

This is life and it has to go on. Time and Tide wait for no man.

The supposedly cursed one.

I received a supposed invitation to a naming ceremony of a cousin's kid.
My aunt calls me up and says, ''I called to invite u for the function. Do u want to come?'' I did not make much of it and said ''definitely''. She goes on and asks, ''Is it ok with ur hubby? Can he make it, as it is on a week day?''
That quickened me, and i started to think and i said , "Let me see and i will try. ''
That was real strange of her. I know her better than that. Then i realised the reason.

I dont have a child yet, even after 8 yrs of marriage. As per her and many others around me, i wld be considered inauspicious and unlucky as I am a barren woman. They wld most naturally think that i wld be jealous of them and their children and my very gaze upon the little one wld supposedly hasten something evil for the child.

This is modern India for u.

As per me, my worth is not determined by my ability or inability to have a child, or status or even education. i am what i am and my character and nature determine my worth. And what is given me, is for me and the grace that is given to others is for them. Not all, can hope to have what i have and vice-versa.

But has all this clarity on my part helped me today? No. for i received invitations from the cousin's wife side to make it positively to the function.

I am in a fix. If i go, they will be uncomfortable as i wld have to perform some formalities. If i dont go, it wld be regarded as disrespect for their parents; and people wldnt flinch even to give it in writing that it is due to an inferiority complex that i did not make it.

But i got the clarity as i wrote out this blog. I will not hurt them. I will not attend the function. On a later date i can possibly visit the cousin and co.

A widow is also viewed with such disdain here. She cannot participate in any of the functions or participate in any good moment.
Will things change if it happens to their mother or daughter or sister?

Perhaps only with regard to them. Everybody else is cursed.