cut above the rest

an epitaph

2008-07-11T03:24:00.000-07:00

Miss Vishwa my friend.

A sixty-five year old dad of 3 - who i recently lost to cancer. It has been tough coming out of the shock of his sickness and death. He was a very soft, kind, patient, humane being and a one who cld relate to young and old alike.

We grew close to each other in the last 3 yrs, after a few tough negative experiences between our families. I am actually his nephew's wife. But he took a liking for me and warmed up to me. He never made me feel in these few years that he was an UNCLE-IN-LAW :)

A man who gave up his individuality for the sake of his family. He was the rock and the foundation of his family. A man, who I wld describe as a SPONGE. He absorbed the unwanted effects of the atmosphere and the undulating ground realities.

I can never forget the way he handled pain - the unflinching grit with which he pushed himself unassumingly so as to not to trouble his near and dear ones, not to even make much mention of his pain. The aches of his heart, his dreams, desires, wishes and beautiful moments of his life - would be painted in the core of my heart for a long time to come.

Not to forget to mention his efforts to learn cooking and babysitting, at the ripe age of 64 - to take care of his Daughter and Grand daughter in the U.S. Recipes were learnt over internet voice chats with his wife, in India. Babysitting of course- practically.

A man who chose to love - an unconditional love till the last breath.

I am going to miss this friend of mine - yet another to have lost a little too early in my association- Selva my 83yr old Boyfriend ;) U remember? - being the other. Their association has taught me great things.

Hope and pray with all of my heart that he is in The Eternal Rest of God and that God takes care of His Life Breath (PROGENY AND FAMILY).

Few men have I come across in my life with such virtuous qualities at the peak of Life and Power. Of course he was not Infallible but his good nature outdid his negatives.

A man worthy of his name - the Ruler of the World

yet another advertisement

2008-07-09T05:23:00.002-07:00

an advertisement for Viking innerwear :)

2008-07-09T05:23:00.001-07:00

tenth anniversary

2008-07-09T05:23:00.000-07:00

Hi people :) nice to be back after a hiatus of around 10 months. Meanwhile lot of changes, got adjusted and so now am back into the foray.
Had been on a fabulous trip with hubby recently for our tenth anniversary - actually lured my husband into it. Mistakenly told him that Kutrallam Falls is just 350 kms from Chennai [which is where we live now] but the truth is that it is around 650kms ;) . Drove down, in our poor santro that has already covered around 62000 kms in a span of 3.5 yrs.
2 hrs later i checked the kms as i had a faint doubt :0, only to discover the actual distance but hubby was mentally dreaming of the falls by then -- fortunately for me :).
Another 4 hrs later he asked abt the water at the falls. I said, "It shld normally be fine by now but i dont know for sure :( "
Such was the start of our 5 day journey as Kutrallam was just a sudden plan. Our actual plan was to go to Velankanni and the Nagapattinam district for all the 4-5 days.
At the end of the 18hr journey, hubby was game for a shower at the falls at 11 p.m. in the night. And was it MIND BOGGLING! Never was a shower ever so refreshing and awesome. It has to be a Must Experience in the itenary of a one who wants to taste the beauty of India. It was thrilling and superb.
Came out of the falls for dinner {roadside dosa and omlette, hot mirchi bajjis too were an option} and then went right back till around 3 a.m. It was fascinating [ all the more so as my hubby is definitely not nocturnal and that day was one of those very rare days where in he gave up his sleep willingly for something much better]. Also enjoyed an oil massage before the second entry ;)
The next day took us to Tirunelveli for Halwa and Kanyakumari for a fab sight of the ferocious sea. Once again - falls and dinner in Rahmath Kadai - Sengkottai
Monday afternoon left for Velankanni and Wednesday early morn returned to base.
Best gift that i got - the remark from hubby that this was his best ever trip as i was and am the Navigator always :) by god's grace.
High Point of the entire trip - we had switched off our mobiles and were all to ourselves. Discovered the anxiety-free life of a mobile-less vacation.
Waiting eagerly for the next trip.

P.S. That saturday was the very day on which kutrallam had fair amt of rain in the noon and that was the night that we reached to a welcoming falls. 2 days after that, the access to the falls was denied due to very heavy rains and the coming week saw no falls due to lack of rains.
And man Must i thanks God for my experience with him, hubby and the falls ;)

cute cuter cutest :)

2007-09-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

say cheeeeesssssssssse

2007-09-14T02:39:00.000-07:00

And I said think of me --- and this was the response -- ain't I happy with the product? ;)

the smoking rock- hoggenakkal

2007-09-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

a cherished moment

2007-09-12T12:01:00.000-07:00

Actually miss u bro

tree tomato

2007-09-12T03:41:00.000-07:00

An attempt to have an ear piece of a tree tomato found in the wild of Kotagiri

remember dombragambatti? the real village

2007-09-12T03:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, a real village in India that i have visited for the first time in 31 years - one of its kind in this modern era. Very simple and warm people - an experience worthy of a life-time

the family

2007-09-12T03:27:00.000-07:00

Guess ur way thru :)

the super radio

2007-09-12T03:20:00.000-07:00

This is a radio in a State transport bus in the State of Tamil Nadu, India going from Chennai to Vellore. It provides entertainment to about 60 people :)

and the indigenous super antenna

2007-09-12T03:16:00.000-07:00

And the round copper thing is the antenna for that radio, right next to the author's seat, much to her amusement ;) Anything is possible in India and am i proud of it?

would be meen kuzhambu (fish gravy) in about 2 hours

2007-09-12T03:09:00.000-07:00

fish fry - raw material this

2007-09-12T03:04:00.000-07:00

dombragambatti, hoggenakkal falls, kotagiri etc

2007-09-07T03:23:00.000-07:00

I have no clues why but i am not able to upload pictures. So kindly make do with my writings ;)friends. Have been travelling a lot. Chennai, Kotagiri, Dombragambatti (husband's native place), Hoggenakkal falls and Coimbatore are all palces we have toured in the past month. Chennai was covered many a times in the past 45 days. Been a hectic time in all. Bought a plot as well. Went about checking the details, meeting the lawyer, measuring the area, bargaining with the marketing guys and collecting gold sovereigns ;). Lots more to do in the coming months. Nice experiences. Wonder how I can include all these in a Resume and which employer wld hire me based on these exclusive experiences of mine :)

Dombragambatti is a small T shaped village of just about 2 streets worth mentioning. My Hubby's ancestors are supposed to have originated from that place. Interesting experience that was.
All the people in that village gathered together to see us. From a toddler to the oldest of the lot. They tried to ask us as to who our ancestors were and tried to link to people who had lived there around 60 yrs ago. The linking was not as effective but little did they budge. They told us who our granddad must have been and that he wld have changed his name once he had left that village :)

We were told that our lands were sold and the house in which our supposed granddad lived is retained and they even showed around that house. {When in fact there was no land of ours in that village.}
We were curious about them and they were curious about us. We were in awe of that small real time Indian village just as they were of our life, looks, style and even language.
This village is in the state of Tamil Nadu. The best part of the trip was our photo session. We were taking pictures of the streets, school and the people when a small kid butted in saying "Smile Please" in English to the living subject of our photo session.
I was shocked and started laughing. Now I know why my hubby, his aunts and uncles are the way they are-- can i expect anything less from people of such a palce :) very very strong willed, arrogant yet sweet philanthropes.

freeee indeeeeed to lance around ;)

2007-08-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

Have given up my freelancing work at The Hindu as the terms and conditions for me to work turned unfavourable. Writing on a wide variety of topics and seeing it published exactly the way it was written, with exactly the same meaning as it was supposed to convey, with no gross editing and lousy spelling mistakes --- ask me the joys of it. Only that it is published on the net and wld not entail a Few thousand Readers. All else being the same ---- the freedom and joy of writing on topics of solely the author's choice, give an entirely different flow and feel. And not to forget the pain of impossible deadlines and peanuts as payment.

I am real glad and happy with life and the way incidents have taken place. I have the freedom to choose and that definitely Ticks.

oooooooopppppppssssssssssssssss

2007-08-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

Have been trying to upload pictures, been unsuccessful.
Going thru a journey in life that can be tedious but haven't even felt the pain of it by god's grace , thus far atleast may I add. Perhaps have been prepared more at the spirit level rather than at the mental level.
Wld the stress of the journey show up as days roll by, is anybody's guess.
Right now have embarked upon it pretty well and will also reveal as to the nature of the journey at the right time. Am very sure lot of well wishers wld give all kinds of pretty unwarranted and maybe even unwanted advices. But the idea is to make the journey even if it turns out to be a bumpy one rather than feeling misplaced and displaced in the place that am at right now :)
Yes the ride cld also be a beautiful, smooth one with no glithches and hitches which i believe this one wld be with an occassional adventure here and there. And definitely a life without an adventure [an unexpected detour but a welcome wild one] wld be a dull and boring one ;)

Am going to keep my fingers crossed, in fact my whole self crossed :) and allow the Man above to direct. Have seen him enough in my life to hope only for the best & rest in the Nest - in and at His Perfect Time. That waiting time is the Patience building exercise. oooooppppppppssssssss

chak de

2007-08-10T03:43:00.000-07:00

A good movie. One wld be able to identify with it better if she has been brought up in a male chauvinistic male-dominated family. A constant attempt is made to subjugate, subordinate and subdue a girl in such a family. Obedience for the sake of obedience with no rhyme or reason is expected of such a girl. And a girl who dares to question is termed as a bad, ill- mannered daughter. A girl is always treated different from the boys of the family, she has to get accustomed to do mean jobs even at a very young age as that is her future in her In Laws' place ..... Adjustment is the Euphemism used.. Ha ha ha

Of such families r products like me formed with an allergy to authority & the faintest signs of attempted subordination or possible domination.
There is almost a wild rebuttal instinct formed as the realisation has early dawned that but for self protection ... one wld be made a door mat just as much effortlessly, by one's very own.

This movie made me realise that being in India in the ages and in the family that I belonged to, one has been made very tough due to the circumstances thrust upon.

The Validity and the Probability of the movie in Reality is questionable. Too much of politics is involved in the country for it to be made possible.

But when it comes to doing duties towards the parents it is equally shared whereas the rights to question and enjoy belongs to the Family's SON. People in my country have not developed any brains and r still blind inspite of seeing for fact that most sons go and hide behind their wives leaving their responsibilities to their sisters ..... They perhaps believe that their son wld not do it only to made a fool later.

And so the childless have started preferring daughters to sons and they adopt girls. Ofcourse this cannot be said of all sons and daughters but a majority. There r also sons who let down their wives and support their parents and parents who ill treat their sons in relation to daughters.

What is required is a balance and a via media which i see a long way coming.

freedom freedom freedom

2007-07-24T02:50:00.000-07:00

Broadband at home ahhhhhhh. Freedom at last.
No going to the netcafe any more and no more arguments with the netcafe wala to put on the AC at scorching temperatures. Have had enough of all that. That is why, have been away from the net for as long as 4 months. Have been desperate to blog and check email at times but have refrained from going to the netcafe closeby as that man had touched and teased my ego with a very simple request of mine. That guy manged to awaken the Tigress in me in a very very long time. When i asked him to put on the AC for which I pay as well, He said go if u want to one (netcafe) that puts on the AC. Normally i dont take things to heart. This guy was too much. I was very very sweet and sober with my request even. :(
Can be on the net any time and every time :). Forgive me my wrong use of the English in my heightened sense of elation that right now i am experiencing.
Have had fun travelling meeting lot of new people. Lot of new experiences. Will definitely blog about.
Most things that most people around the world take for granted, is a huge blessing in towns like ours :0

ashwath and issidora

2007-03-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

My youngest brother got married in a day's notice ;). He wanted to get married in a simple fashion. He told us that he decided about marriage only that day and wanted to get married the very next day. The information was relayed to us over the telephone :).
His friends made the arrangements and he wanted to get married in a temple on the seashore. That he did and we had a nice time.
The Bride is a Bosnian - Brit. Of Bosnian origin but a Brit citizen for 10 years and more. A brilliant lady. A very strong nice - hearted woman. A definite blessing for my brother.
Isi is the name and she wanted to wear a sari. My mom and i draped the silk sari around her which my mom had bought for her. She looked beautiful in it. It was all the more fun because she is 6 feet and a few inches tall. The time of a life that we had in making her sit and make her hair with flowers and all ....
Then the vedic chants and the thali (covenant bond in the form of a necklace with a threaded string and a gold chain.)

Then the whole band went home for a few formalities and then to a restaurant to have dinner.
The marriage party just had the bride, the groom, the bro, sis, mom, bil and a friend of the groom and my mil. That is it. This was a marriage in style and simplicity.
Yes there were also a few broken hearts and loads of hurt - feelings the way it was all done - and lot of ill- will from the relatives who just dont have the strength to handle any of this and are plain astonished at the way we were with them and went about the whole thing.
Yes, we were shocked and maybe even hurt for a while but it was the question of my bro's happiness and the most important event in his life... could we have ever let him down by cribbing, grumbling and admonishing ? What we want is his happiness and eventually found that Isi is a very good person and a very sensible one.
So all is well that ends (begins) well.

freedom

2007-03-09T07:15:00.000-08:00

Victor Frankl said, 'We who survived the concentration camps offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man, but one thing : the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any circumstance, to choose one's own way.'

protection to Jesus the Christ

2007-02-05T06:23:00.000-08:00

Had been to Church this saturday. Wanted to partake of the Communion. Went in late thinking that the Mass wld have already started :) [ me and my rowdy ways ;) wanted to bunk part of the Mass even] .... but to my disappointment it had not started even. So decided to go back.

When I came out, strangely found two Police Officers there. It was very surprising as it isn't the norm and the Police is outside the Church only on festivals like Christmas and Easter. So decided to be my usual curious questioning self. Asked one of them the reason as to their being there. Initially he lied and gave some other reason. On further probing enquired, whether i had not read the newspaper that day. I answered in the affirmative [ only to discover later that he was talking about that evening's Tamil newspaper which i definitely hadn't gone through].
Then he told me hesitatingly of the wierd incident that had taken place there that day. Somebody had brought the blood of a hen (how did they know that.... perhaps lab tests.... and why not the blood of any other animal???) and put it all over the statue of Jesus, standing outside.

"And these Police officers are giving Protection To Jesus The Christ" thus had commented this notorious self, as she smilingly left the place.

The Jesus, who was put to death by the likes of us and was cleverly protected even in His grave - by Roman Centurions....... the Man who went to His Death as a Lamb to the Slaughter and as silent as a sheep before its shearers; of such a man who gave himself away for ur sake and my sake so that we might have the victory brought to us through His Death {The only case ever told in History that has The Hero Failing, Losing, Dying only to succeed in His Pre - determined Supernatural Purpose, Winning and finally Resurrecting inexplicably (!!!!!!!!)}.....to such a man..
what protection can we give today????

The Paradox that Man is......

children learn what they live with

2007-01-31T22:07:00.000-08:00

If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn; If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight;
If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy; If a child lives with shame, He learns to be guilty;
If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient; If a child lives with encouragement, He learns to be confident;
If a child lives with praise, He learns to appreciate; If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice;
If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith; If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself;
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.

my friends

2007-01-28T04:36:00.000-08:00

Have been thru a particularly stressful time. Have seen a friend in immense strain and pain. His dad was hospitalised for chronic renal failure. I saw the epitome of love in action. Bhaiyya took care of his dad as a mother wld take care of her child. He wld feed him, talk to him, coax him, scold him, love him, kiss him and in all be with him as a source of strength. Much to his disappoinment and grief, his dad passed away on the 15th of january. My friend and my bhaiyya... my heart goes out to him :(

Also lost my 83 yr old friend. My oldest boy friend seems to have passed away peacefully on the 16th of january- but only after succumbing to paralysis since his accident on the 7th of december. A man I am going to miss for the rest of my life ..... his wisdom, his sensitivity and his very sensible, practical advices.......... His love, his response to my tears, his patience in handling my tantrums, his hugs, his pampering of me, his ability to beat me at my arguments and most importantly the memory of the last day that i spent with him on the 6th of december 2006.
I thank god for that day and also my husband for having taken me to his house, having bunked college with little notice. Little did we know that that wld be the last time we wld meet him. The next time I saw him .... he had left his body :(
I know that once born it is only natural that a person dies. Correct. But it is also a fact that i am going to miss him especially in my low moments. I cld talk anything to him. He sounded like me. He wld talk my language .... cut and right. No mincing of words ... no sugar-coated pills. And that man breathed God. A mighty mighty man of god.

And amazing and mindboggling has been my last glimpse of him as well. That day had travelled to blore to pick up my bhaiyya's brother for their dad's funeral on the 17th. Infact when i left kotagiri, i had told bhaiyya that i wld see my boyfriend ( other wise known as selvaraj uncle) in bangalore. I knew that we had little free time before the flight from the US arrived. But I wanted to give it a shot and go to the Home in which he was lodged. We did not know the routes even. Midway thru received a call from Bhaiyya saying that a friend of mine had passed away and that my mom was trying my mobile as my mobile was out of reach. My mom called a little later only to give me the news that Uncle had passed away and that his body was in his house which was close to the Airport and the route to which we knew for sure.! :[
What can I say about that!!!!!!!
But...." THEN SINGS MY SOUL MY SAVIOUR GOD TO THEE ...... HOW GREAT THOU ART..... HOW GREAT THOU ART " and i can most surely hear a heart and voice join me in chorus :)
I was bothered that he was in such a state and only 5 days prior to his death, his sons had him shifted from a hospital to an Accident Care Home. For me that was heart-rending. With 5 well- off sons and a house of his own... he was put in a Home. Yes they might have had their reasons. For me it was difficult. Only the previous day did I get to know of that :(
I was relieved to hear the news that he had passed away. It was better than being in the care of well-meaning strangers. Kith and Kin definitely make a difference. But for him strangers turned out better than his own perhaps. His wife of around sixty years was not allowed to meet him often as she was emotional and 'wld create a scene'.
Though she was thankfully taken to meet him on the 15th i.e. the day prior to his death.
Most importantly he was not let down by his and my God. He was relieved soon from his suffering.

These experiences and people have taught me a lot of things.
Hope and disappointment all at the same time. On one side an almost atheistic son taking extraordinary loving care of his dad [ a dad whose favourite he was never known to be] .... and on the other a loving father being left in the lurch by perhaps church going holy people :(